They Told Me You Were a Bug - Spideypool
by ThanksIllPass
Summary: Wade is hired to kill Peter, who commits petty crimes and causes trouble for Tombstone's men. / villain!Peter


Now, Wade wasn't particularly fond of Tombstone. He was scary as hell and his looks make Wade uncomfortable, but the guy paid like no other. So when Mr. Lincoln contacted him about a job, Wade didn't even play hard to get. He was a bit short on money and, astoundingly enough, no one he knew wanted to help him out; it almost made him feel like an undeserving friend. Almost. Because let's face it, Wade's friends were a bunch ungrateful assholes. And Wade would do just fine without their questionable help. Let them watch him make his own money like a respectable member of society, by killing people.

Tombstone was polite and formal as usual until Wade made some stupid comment about something. Wade can't remember what. Probably because, for said remark, Tombstone cracked Wade's skull against the wall. They had to wait for Wade to regenerate and Mr. Lincoln was most displeased with the delay. He made Wade apologize and proceeded to explain what was required of him. Wade didn't really pay much attention, busy counting his advance money. Something about a particularly annoying bug crawling the streets of New York committing petty crimes and causing trouble for Tombstone's men. Same old same old.

Despite some initial difficulties resulting from his lack of any kind of information, Wade found his mark eventually. Which was a very good thing, considering he had already spent half of the advanced payment. What he could tell so far was that the guy he was supposed to eliminate was really fuckable. What. No, he meant frustrating. Yes, frustrating. With all his acrobatic slinging and crawling, very hard to locate. Nothing to do with the display of flexibility that was more distracting than the smell of fresh tacos and gunpowder. He advised the boxes to focus on the job or get back to fucking if they weren't going to be useful.

He watched the guy for the rest of the night. Really, this was beneath him. The guy seem to pose virtually no threat to a guy like Tombstone. Wade felt insulted as a mercenary. However, he was also intrigued. See, the guy was confusing as hell; first he robbed a liquor store, then kicked some armed burglar's ass, broke into a rich-looking house, and neutralized a mugger with a knife. The guy made literally no sense at all, but seemed pretty easy to get rid of. Now that was the kind of contradiction that caught Wade's interest. So he followed the guy, sue him. If curiosity killed the cat, that was Wade's best chance, right?

The guy finally stopped on a roof of a plain-looking house in Forest Hills. He didn't immediately sneak in, he just sat there with his head hanging between his knees. His arms were shaking, as if he was sobbing, or laughing, or both; depends whether he knew Wade was there or not. It occurred to Wade then that the guy wasn't particularly careful. He either didn't notice Wade the whole time or didn't care, which was equally reckless. When Wade climbed on the rooftop, he noticed the image of a spider on the guy's back and smirked. Classy. Wade slowly started to approach the guy, who didn't even acknowledge Wade's presence, which, rude.

"Could you at least try and pretend to be sneaky?" the guy finally spoke, sniffling. "You'll wake my Aunt." Wade halted for a moment, struck by the guy's odd behavior, and by how young he sounded. Were Wade more reasonable and perhaps better at his job, he'd just taken him for a complete nutjob and stabbed him in the back right there and then, because why bother. But Wade was just Deadpool and he didn't pass an opportunity to get killed. And what finer opportunity than a confusing but super-flexible whacko crying on his aunt's rooftop could he get. When Wade sat next to the guy, he stretched his arms, craned his neck, and placed his guns beside him.

"They told me you were a bug." The guy snickered and admitted that he got that a lot, before sighing and lying on his back, hands under his head. Wade was enchanted, there was no point in denying. As he was taking in the unobstructed view of they guy's figure, he couldn't decide what was the most amazing thing about him. He wasn't even talking about his body, though it looked delicious, but the way he did… well, everything. And especially how he he seemed completely unaffected by the fact there was a mercenary after him, _beside_ him. "Mind telling me your name? I've been calling you 'the guy' for six hundred words already."

"What?" the guys chuckled and turned his head towards Wade. Even through his mask, Wade could feel the scorching look. He was grateful for his own mask, because the guy made him feel all hot and bothered, like a noble lady courted by a knight of king Arthur, or an Asian schoolgirl raped by a giant plant in a hentai. "Spider-Man. Peter. What's yours?" Wade didn't answer straight away, he simply couldn't. This kind of behavior wasn't normal, or rather, it wasn't normal for people other than Wade. This was not even reckless, it was simply suicidal. This guy, _Peter_, this _kid playing villain_, Spider-Man, he was something different; maybe even different enough to be like Wade.

"Wade Wilson, Deadpool, Merc with the Mouth, the last person you will ever see." Peter laughed at that, loud and free, and Wade felt heat flooding into the pit of his stomach. Peter was the most exciting thing that happened to Wade in months, and he couldn't help falling a bit in love with the feeling, if not with Peter himself. "That's not a very smart way of treating a guy who was sent to kill you. You don't have much sense of self-preservation, do you?" At that, Peter sat up and took of his mask. And boy, was he beautiful, daring Wade with his eyes, that smug smirk, the flush on his cheeks. He was even younger than Wade suspected.

"Or maybe I'm just confident I could kill you first," Peter teased, and Wade really couldn't take it anymore. He needed to _know_. Who was this kid who basically stared death in the face and looked like he wanted to fuck it over on the nearest flat surface? Wade ignored how much he wished his metaphor to be literal and sighed. "I can't be killed, not for long anyway," he said, and he could see Peter's face fall and then quickly regain composure. He smiled softly and looked down between his knees. "Well, yeah, or _that_ could happen. Sucks to be me, I guess." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, looking more embarrassed than anything else.

"So what's your story?" Wade blurted. He had no idea why he was dragging this out. No matter how much he wanted to bang Peter, he already spent half of the money and he had to see the job through. He had _some_ work ethic. Peter huffed an amused breath and glanced at Wade. "You don't do any recon on your targets before you kill them? Not very professional of you, is it?" Wade chuckled at the taunt, suddenly embarrassed too, and scratched his neck. "I don't really care about that boring stuff. Takes a lot to hold my interest, you know? Too much going on in my head." Peter hummed thoughtfully and laid back down.

"Got bit by a radioactive spider and got my Uncle killed. Took up the life of crime to help my Aunt out. There's a lot of competition so I get rid of it. End of story." But Wade knew there was more to it and he said as much. Peter was silent for a while, but he eventually caved. "You don't need a gun to rob a goddamn store, you know? Innocent people die because of assholes like these. And yes, innocent people like my Uncle. Happy now? I get revenge on petty criminals while being a petty criminal on the side myself. You don't have to tell me how pathetic that is. Just." Peter suddenly got up and started to pace aimlessly. "Get it over with."

"I'm not going to kill you," Wade promised. As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. What the hell did he mean, not gonna kill him? He had to, or Tombstone would go medieval on his ass and devote the rest of his life to find a way to kill Wade. And while the idea wasn't too shabby, what would happen between the two breaking points didn't exactly fill Wade with positive feelings. Wade disliked torture as much as the next guy. "You're… not?" Peter sounded suspicious, but hopeful. Well, and wasn't it just perfect. The boxes were livid, but Wade ignored them, because he honestly wasn't thinking with his _dick_. He wasn't thinking _at all_.

"Yeah, not feeling like it after all. Too much hustle. Just got the costume back from the cleaners, and let me tell you, they don't like me there. Better not show my mug there for a while." The smile that split Peter face was almost blinding, and it pissed Wade off for some reason. "_But_ you still have to pay me off. Give me everything you got tonight. And lay low for a while. I mean it, Spidey. The guy who hired me won't be happy with my decision and will find a replacement soon. Just go on your merry villainy way for the few days he'll be busy hunting_my ass_ down and then take your sweet auntie on a vacation or something. You got that?"

"I can take care of myself, and I'm not afraid of them," Peter said, jaw set and eyes hard. Wade chuckled darkly, because that was just priceless. Wade couldn't believe he was just about to preach to an underage criminal about moral values. "Just like you weren't afraid of me before you realized I can't be killed? Do you even realize I could have been lying to you? How naive are you? And what if I_could_ be killed? What does it matter that _they_ can be killed? That's what you gonna do, Petey? Kill them? Become the one thing you fight even while being a _villain_? Good luck with that. Now give me my money, I'm out of here. Live long and prosper."

Peter used his web to get to the bag before Wade and clutched it to his chest. If he wasn't blinking rapidly and avoiding Wade's eyes, Wade would think Peter was planning on causing trouble. Wade sighed dramatically and stood up. Peter clutched the bag tighter but stood his ground and a delighted bark of laughter escaped Wade's lips; even boxes wanted to know if they could keep him. "Fine, keep them. I'll figure something out. Better go to sleep, baby boy, it's a school night." Just as Wade was about to get off the rooftop, he heard the bag drop. Then he felt Peters fingers closing on his wrist, tugging hesitantly.

When Wade turned around, Peter's doe eyes were glued to his lips, narrowing slightly, as if Peter was trying to solve some kind of a problem. Wade couldn't help but swallow nervously, because _that_ didn't happen to Wade. Peter suddenly made a noise in his throat and his eyes went from contemplative to determined. He reached for the hem of Wade's mask and lifted it up to his nose. Then, completely ignoring the scars he simply must have noticed, he leaned in and kissed Wade. It was a short and chaste kiss, but it still made Wade shiver. When he opened his eyes he didn't even know he closed, Peter was gone, but the bag was there.


End file.
